(This is an exercise on write-down-the-thoughts-in-your-head-and-just-edit-later so bear with the fact that it may go in all sorts of directions. I’ll come around to editing this–when I find the need to. )
Getting from where you are to where you want to go never easy. A lot of “people” can tell you that. It hard even when you don’t know where you want to go. Harder it is when you can’t tell that you’re already lost.
Whenever I feel the anxiety bubbling up inside, about the future, my Literary inclinations would always remind me of this poem by Robert.
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
And it’s one of those moments.
My mind has led me here, wherever I might be, but something inside feels as though I must be somewhere else, off to some Nether-land trailblazing, discovering and doing wondrous things.
It may all look bits and pieces for now but something inside says that it will all come together into a beautiful whole sometime. At present, there are two things that’s demanded if you’re like me, patience and perseverance. There is a great deal of pain that comes with growing. And if you fall to the introverted side of the temperament spectrum, it is even more so amplified. And so, patience, with the world and more importantly with yourself. Along with discipline, which is also critical, you need perseverance. No matter how foggy things may seem, you just have to pick yourself up, try again, and power through those self-imposed limits and self-defeating, destructive habits.
For some, there’s a “ready-made” road to where they want to be, and a cookie-cutter molded mindset to complement it. But if you’re one of the big-picture minded few, you will find yourself wondering how differently your life should be lived. In taking all the time in thinking of all the possibilities and possibly covering all the contingencies, sometimes you will realize that time has passed you by and that you’re running out of time. And the price and peril just going with the flow is realizing in the end that you don’t have anything tangible to show for what you have lived for expect for the bits and pieces you’ve left in your path. If you can live with that kind of obscurity, then you have nothing to worry about. If you can’t, it’s not that hopeless.
This unexpected detour has been quite long and a little aimless. There’s been a lot learned, still more to learn. Good habits and skills were picked up along the way, some baggage need some throwing away. If there’s one thing that’s certain, I shall not be in this same place the next year.
The road ahead is still riddled with fear and uncertainty, but to forge forward is the only way. While there is a need to pause from time to time to reassess the direction this life is headed, there’s no point in altogether stopping and stagnating.
To all the good, better, best things that are yet to become.